Life Coaches deal with people’s innermost thoughts, fears and beliefs about themselves and I believe that a combination of appropriate professional training, together with life and work experiences, furnishes the coach with an ability to not only sympathise but also empathise with their clients in order to successfully guide them from where they are now to where they want to be in the future.

Here are some reflections and tips on how life coaches can be truly useful to their clients and give them the support they need and deserve.

Being congruent-Does the way the coach promotes themselves  to prospective clients, either in person,on the phone, in writing, at networking events and in their marketing material all give out the same message?

Appropriate use of language-as coaches we are trained to ask the right questions and use active listening to give us clues about our clients needs, wants and concerns and it is crucial to understand the meaning behind the words and phrases our clients use. For example, a young mum of 2 children under 5, undertaking a full-time degree course and part-time job at weekends, contacted me in a stressed state. When we met she said she should be a better mother, should achieve a first degree and should be  better at her job. When  asked which person was telling her she should be all these things she considered for a moment and replied;’I suppose that would be me’! We were able to work on her not putting unrealisitic expectations on herself.

Maintaining professionalism at all times-not only is it important to convey that you have your clients best interests at heart it is essential to come across consistently as a professional and expert in your field. Do you always turn up on time and finish your session on time? Have you prepared appropriately for the session? Do you ‘go the extra mile’ wherever possible? This might mean sending a birthday card or pointing them in the right direction to discover some relevant information.

Practice what you preach-much of life coaching involves encouraging clients to overcome obstacles in their lives and ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway.’ So how often do YOU challenge yourself to get out of YOUR comfort zone?

Finally in the words of my fantastic trainer Curly Martin, a renowned coach and author:-

‘It is your job as the Life Coach to help identify the interference & remove it. It is absolutely nothing about giving advice or imposing knowledge on your clients. Life Coaching is about removing obstructions & not adding any new ones. Concentrate on balancing all areas of your clients’ lives. Believe that your clients have all the resources they need to solve their own problems & that it is yoru job to help them remove the obstacles to prevent this happening.’

I’d love to hear your opinions–how do YOU go the extra mile and practice what YOU preach?!

I like to think of myself as a giver-always happy to help without expecting anything in return so I am often taken aback when I meet people who think and behave differently and seem to want to take and not give anything back.

The poet Ella Wheeler Wilcox puts the concept across in a much more eloquent way so I’d like to share her poem with you!

Lifting and leaning

There are two kinds of people on earth today,

Just two kinds of people, no more, I say.

Not the good and the bad, for ’tis well understood

the good are half bad and the bad are half good.

Not the happy and sad, for the swift-flying years

brings each man his laughter and each man his tears.

Not the rich and the poor, for to count a man’s wealth

you must first know the state of his conscience and health.

Not the humble and proud, for in life’s busy span

he who puts on vain airs is not counted man.

No! The two kinds of people on earth I mean

are the people who lift and the people who lean.

Wherever you go you will find the world’s masses

are ever divided in just two classes.

And strangely enough, you will find too, I ween,

There is only one lifter to twenty who lean.

So, are you a lifter or  a leaner?!

Never enough hours in the day?

I don’t know about you, but I remember my days spent as a child seemed longer, as did the weeks, seasons and years. How can this be, considering there are the same number of minutes in an hour, hours in a day and days in a week or year? Could it be that we have conditioned ourselves to fit more into each day? Maybe we feel guilty if we aren’t able to justify our time as being time well spent?

Time means different things to different people in different situations. However the  key is to know how best to use your time and consider how to reorganise and manage your time in such a way that it suits you, your family and your circumstances.

Being in control of how you manage your time allows you to maintain balance between your work, personal and family life. Here are 6 effective time management tips to help you on your way.

1. Carefully monitor how you spend your day. It may seem time consuming, but by writing down all your daily activities- from the moment you wake up until you go to bed- you will have a clear picture of where your time is spent. This gives you a starting point to examine where changes can be made. This single activity has improved the lives of many of the people I work with.
2. Organise yourself. Do you work in disorganised chaos? Are you always trying to find things but can’t remember where they are? You might be surprised how much time you can waste in a day! Planning can save you time and really helps you to focus on what the daily essential and non-essential activities are.
3. Avoid saying yes when you really want to say no! Do you find yourself agreeing to do things when you really don’t want to do them and can’t really justify the time? It’s easy to fall into the trap of being too available and there will always be those who will take advantage of your generous nature. So learn to say ‘no’ and only agree to do what you WANT to do , not what you feel you OUGHT to do.
4. Tackle the difficult tasks first. By doing so, not only will you feel a sense of satisfaction but other tasks will seem easy by comparison!
5. Learn to avoid distractions. This is a difficult area for people who work from home, what with social media sites, emails and the internet and as we are surrounded by distractions, it’s all too easy to become engrossed in unplanned activities. So plan to incorporate such  activities into your day for a set period of time and no more.
6. Be kind to yourself. Remember, you are only human and do not need to be busy for every minute of every day. Some of the best inspiration can come from those times when we choose to take time out and reflect.

If you have any time management tips, Smallsteps coaching would love to hear from you.

Many others like you will have procrastinated and stayed in a safe yet unfulfilling role, only to regret later on in life to have not ‘made it happen.’

Almost every new start-up business will pontificate and worry about lack of funds and security but if you do your planning and research first and work towards your start-up business in a realistic and organised way, the only thing stopping you will be fear of the unknown. Remember: ‘The only thing that is certain in life, is that life is uncertain!

1. Firstly, find out if you have what it takes to be your own boss. How will your skills and personality traits help or hinder your business?
2. Use your existing contacts-family, friends, friends of friends and work colleagues-and ask them about their start-up business experiences. Such information is invaluable and allows you to learn from other peoples’ experiences first hand.
3. Write a business plan. Even if you do not need funding to set up your business, writing a business plan allows you to focus on all aspects of your business in a rational and thorough way.
4. Set yourself short, medium and long-term goals. Write them down and keep them visible. You can evaluate and alter your goals as circumstances dictate and keeping your goals in mind makes you more accountable to take action and lets you move your business forward.
5. Identify who your ideal customers are. Their age, gender and background and why they might buy from you and not from someone else. This will help you decide on your niche market and USP. (Unique sales proposition).
6. Develop a network of like-minded people. Working for yourself can be isolating at times so it is really worthwhile connecting with others in a similar situation and sharing ideas and experiences.
7. Outsource some of the business activities you have little or no experience in or struggle with and concentrate on those aspects that you do best. There are plenty of  reasonably priced web designers, accountants, IT and marketing experts about. This need not cost a fortune as you may be able to trade your skills and expertise with theirs!
8. Setting up a business for the first time can be a huge learning curve so remind yourself that any mistakes made can be valuable lessons and move on.
9. Ensure you work in a logical and organised fashion. Break larger activities down into more manageable tasks and avoid flitting about from one activity to another. Prioritise tasks in order of importance and work through your daily, weekly, monthly, list.
10. Finally, when the going gets tough, remind yourself of WHY you wanted to set up your business in the first place and think about all the positive rather than negative aspects. As I sit writing this at my desk overlooking my lovely garden with the sun shining down and the birds singing, I absolutely know setting up my coaching practice is the best thing I could have ever done!”

If you have found this useful, my book: ‘ From Dream To Reality-7 steps to setting up a small business’ was written with YOU in mind! Click on my websites publications page for full details.

Free to work where and when I want

After months of planning, decision making and soul searching, you have left your previous lifestyle behind to embark on a journey of self employment with a mixture of excitement and apprehension.

Some friends are vocal in their envy whilst others clearly think you are mad and although self-employment is often looked on as the solution to improve work-life balance and offer a new found freedom and control over our work/home lives, the reality is that  it can often be quite a stressful experience.

It’s important to recognise why you wanted to change your lifestyle in the first place. So identify what you expect self-employment to give you in all areas of your life; salary, enjoyment and  creativity etc.

Work-life balance is about people having a measure of control over when, where and how they will work. So starting out with a realistic plan of action is valuable to your future success and will allow you to monitor and evaluate your business’ progress over time.

If, for example you have decided to opt out of a demanding job to spend more time with your family, you will need to examine your existing mindset as you will have undoubtedly adopted the culture of your previous workplace. So consider what mental and physical changes you will have to make.

Adopting a flexible approach to your business can help you to achieve the desired work-life balance. There will undoubtedly be times when you are very quiet and equally when you are very busy so it is important to plan for these peaks and troughs in order to stay focused and make the  best use of your time.

Many people underestimate how important it is to stay motivated and self-disciplined. Examine your strengths and weaknesses and develop ways of improving those areas you know need improving. If you struggle with effective time management, train yourself to work to a daily and weekly schedule, working on tasks in order of priority.

Self-employment can feel lonely and isolating at times and you may miss  your colleagues support. It is also easy to take the firm secretary and IT department for granted until you have to perform these tasks yourself.

Maybe friends and family will not be able to identify with or  understand your new business but by joining appropriate networking groups you will meet others in a similar situation to yourself. In the words of the old BT advert;  ‘It’s good to talk!’

Finally, don’t forget to believe in yourself and never underestimate your new-found capabilities. You will be your own harshest critic and no one else will impose such exacting standards to live by. Ask your boss (that’s you!) to be a bit kinder to you occasionally.

I’d love to hear what work-life balance you have as a self-employed business owner, so do drop me a line so we can share your thoughts.

Isn’t it strange, we  like to consider we behave and think like rational human beings most of the time but frequently we are our own worst enemies due to the self-limiting beliefs and destructive mindsets we believe to be true to us!

Think how often you hear yourself say you can’t do something new because you are:-too old, not clever enough, don’t have enough money, will undoubtedly fail. The list of such self-sabotaging beliefs we have about ourselves can be limitless and once we truly believe we are unable to do something, we actually talk ourselves out of it, even if the habitual pattern of behaviour only continues to make us miserable.

People often describe themselves in terms of their job, relationships, culture and environment but these can be stories which take away our freedom to choose.

The personal development guru, Anthony Robins (he of ‘walking barefoot on hot coals’  fame), says:-

‘You control your life. Your future action is what produces results. It is something any one of you can develop within yourself.’

Here are some beliefs you can adopt in order to produce greater results in your life.

• Everything happens for a reason and a purpose and it serves us well
• There is no such thing as failure, there are only results. (People who fear failure convince themselves of what might not work in advance)
• Whatever happens to you, accept responsibility. (By doing so you keep the power to change the results you produce)
• It is not necessary to understand everything to be able to do everything. (You know how to use a phone but do you know how it works?!)
• People are your greatest resource so surround yourself with people who are good for you
• Work is play. Find work that you enjoy and it will seem like pleasure
• There is no abiding success without commitment

So consider asking yourself  the following questions:-

• What could be a different way of leading your life that would make you feel more fulfilled?
• What story have you been telling yourself that you are?
• What do you believe to be true about yourself that is not necessarily so?

Do share any changes for the better you have made with your life simply by re-thinking your beliefs.

I often tell clients that updating their CV and looking at  job adverts are only part of the process and not necessarily the starting point. You need to consider your reasons for wanting to change career and consciously plan how to go about it  in order to ‘make it happen’!

Here are some pointers to help you approach the whole process in a logical and practical way.

Step 1–Decide what it is about your current job/role that you are dissatisfied with.

Is it the actual work, the people you work with, the environment you work in or elements of all three? Maybe you are overstretched/not stretched enough? Perhaps you feel you have outgrown the organisation or it has outgrown you?

ACTION:-Whatever the reasons, think carefully about this question and write down your thoughts.

Step 2–Decide what your reasons for working are.

As we evolve through a working cycle of pre-work, start of work, continuation of work and retirement, our reasons for working at any particular time in our lives will be determined by a variety of  circumstances. Maybe you wanted to develop, grow, learn new skills and develop initially but perhaps you now want a better work/life balance, less work load and  less responsibility and are no longer driven by achieving status or power.

ACTION:-Identify what is important to you now and for the future in your job/career.

Draw up two lists; one identifying what you DO want for the future and one stating what you DON’T want.

Step 3–Identify your main skills.

It is often difficult to compose an accurate and objective self-assessment and it is crucial to be honest about your skills so that you can consider what transferable skills you can utilise in another career.

ACTION:-list all the skills you use in your current role.

A starting point is to describe ALL the activities you have done/ do at work and then summarise this using key phrases and words.*

Step 4–Research, research, research!

Whether you are considering making a change to a similar organisation in a similar role or a completely different field in a different role, it is really important that you consider your options in a systematic way.

Steps 1-4 will have given you an insight into your personal requirements, skills and capabilities and now you need to look at what is available to you.

If, for example, you want to make a complete career change into a new field/industry, will you need to re-train and if so, are you prepared to do so and will you be financially able to do so?

ACTION:- Keep an open mind as to your options and use various sources on information (colleagues, friends, internet searches on companies, people etc) to make informed decisions.

Take time to investigate a number of roles and companies and think laterally. If you have always worked in the public sector, would a similar role in the private or charitable sector be appropriate? You could even consider work-shadowing to give you an idea of how a role operates in practice.

FINALLY-Keep positive and keep an open mind.

The more effort you put into exploring the choices available to you, the more likely you are to make the right decision and find the ideal new career for you.

*contact me if you would be interested in learning what your key transferable skills are via a simple exercise.

Has this blog been of help?  If so, I would love to hear from you!

Apparently the top four New Year resolutions are:

• increasing exercise
• being more conscientious at work
• developing better eating habits and losing weight
• stopping smoking, drinking or using drugs

Here are some tips from Smallsteps coaching to help you stick to those resolutions that you make at the start of the New Year.

1) Be realistic–if you enjoy drinking but feel you have been overdoing it lately, decide on what will work for you. Rather than vowing to give up for a month, six months or a year if you have a drink every day, decide to drink on just one or two nights a week. You are more likely to succeed if you don’t feel you are depriving yourself of one of your regular pleasures.

2) Create a plan–the SMART process is often used to make goals more concrete and emotionally resonant. Each of your goals/resolutions should be:-

Specific-what exactly do you want to achieve?

Measurable-how will you know when you have achieved it?

Achievable-how can your goal/resolution be attained? What skills/support will you need?

Relevant–will the goal be worthwhile to you?

Timed–when do you plan to start and finish the goal/resolution?

3) Break big goals down into smaller, manageable goals and visualise what each goal will give you when accomplished–eg rather than aiming to lose several stone in a year, aim to set interim targets such as half a stone and reward yourself  for achieving such success. (Preferably NOT a big box chocolates!)

4) Don’t be too hard on yourself–it is inevitable that you will fail to stick to your good intentions 100% of the time but this shows you are only human! Rather than regretting your lapses, remind yourself of what you have achieved so far and aim to get back into your routine again as soon as it is possible.

5) Stick to your goals/resolutions for  21 days–experts say it takes about 21 days for a new activity to become a habit and six months for it to become part of your daily routine. Your new habit will soon become second nature and don’t forget, practice makes perfect!

6) Finally, avoid the self doubt-once you decide to make changes the voice of self-doubt often creeps in and if you listen to your negative thoughts, they are likely to kill even the best intentions.

Have you ever managed to stick to your New year resolutions? What were they? Why do you think you were able to succeed?

I’d love to hear from you!

The month of January is named after the Roman God Janus, who possessed two faces; one to look back at the previous year and one to look forward to the new year ahead.

So many of us start the new year with good intentions to lose weight, give up smoking, change jobs or achieve a better work/life balance but invariably we fall at the first hurdle and somehow we don’t manage to achieve all we enthusiastically set out to do.

So ditch the New Years resolutions and take a slightly different approach this year.

Before you decide on what you want 2012 to bring, begin by writing down your responses to the following questions. Take your time, think carefully and be honest  with yourself.

• What did you achieve in 2011, both at work and at home?
• What would you have liked to have done differently and why?
• What have you learned from your experiences?
• What do you want MORE of in the year ahead and why?
• What do you want LESS of in the year ahead and why?

Having thought about these reflective questions you can then focus on the year ahead and answer the following questions for everything you would like to accomplish in the forthcoming year. Be  specific when you answer each question.

• WHAT do you want for your working/home life in 2012?
• WHY do you want this?
• HOW will you achieve this? Visualise how you will feel when you get there
• WHEN will you do things to make things happen?
• WHERE will you go to for the support and information you need?

So by taking time to reflect on the above when entering the new year, you are more likely to know what your priorities are for the forthcoming months and even more likely to achieve them!!!

Good luck and here’s wishing you a truly exciting and prosperous 2012!

So many of us become the people we believe ourselves to be, based on our past experiences, whether they be good or bad and what others have led us to perceive as our reality about who we are. It IS possible to change such perceptions but as with anything worth achieving, it takes practice and determination!

Learning to accept ourselves, warts and all, and being kinder to ourselves when things go wrong, increases our enjoyment of life, our resilience and our well being. It also helps us to accept others as they are, as well as oursleves.

So which camp do you belong to? Do you accept yourself conditionally or unconditionally?

If you belong to the first camp you enforce conditions on yourself, that is, you feel you are only a good person when you succeed. If you fail, you feel like a loser and good for nothing rather than accepting that failure is a normal part of life and a way of learning about ourselves and others in general.

Those in the second camp adopt the:  ‘I am what I am,’ attitude. They may realise that they have made mistakes or misjudgements but vow to learn from them.

If you have low self-esteem you will be troubled by aspects of who you think you are and maybe long to be someone or something different. It is then likely that you will dwell more on what’s worrying you and what you are not and this leads to lots of negative self-talk.

To develop self-acceptance and self-esteem you need to believe in your own worth and uniqueness.

What do others like (not dislike), about you?

Why do they want to be with YOU and not someone else?

What is it about YOU and your personality that is attractive to others?

Which camp do you belong to?!